The Toughest Part of Being a Parent

I have come to the conclusion that the hardest part of being a parent is making decisions. You try to educate yourself as much as possible to make the best choices for your children and family. However, I think as a parent you are always questioning your decisions. There is so much societal pressure as to what is the right or wrong way to parent. People, especially other moms, are very judgemental of other moms.

I have ran into a few major decisions lately that need to be made and I am very much torn on what to do. What if I make the wrong decision? What if what I think is the right decision ends up being the wrong one? What will other people think?

The first decision is about the H1N1 vaccine. I have flip flopped several times on what I should do regarding this vaccine. There is so much media hype on this flu. The CDC is wanting people to get vaccinated however there isn't much testing on the vaccine. There are people saying not to get the vaccine and then there are people that are dying because of this flu. I don't think I would be so torn if I didn't have a newborn. His little immune system isn't built up and I hate to think what would happen if he did get the swine flu. I spoke to our pediatrician about it and he just repeats that the CDC wants people to get vaccinated. He will only give the vaccine to kids between the ages 2-4. So, the only one that can be vaccinated is Carter. I asked him what his personal opinion of the vaccine is and his response: "Please don't ask me that question." What??? Why not?! That statement really scared me. So, as of right now I don't think Carter is going to get vaccinated for the H1N1. I am going to get everyone the seasonal flu this year which I normally don't. But again, with a newborn I want to take all precautions.

The next decision is really weighing heavy on me right now. I ruptured a disc in my spine. It is causing me to have extreme pain in my hip and down my leg. My toes have started to go numb and my other leg is starting to hurt too. I have taken a round of oral steroids which did not provide relief. I am also taking a combination of muscle relaxers and pain killers. Those provide some relief but leave me very drowsy. A drowsy mom makes for a terrible mom. Also, even though these drugs are safe to take while breastfeeding they are still being passed on to Liam. I hate that he is getting a dose of these drugs even though they are in small amounts. I have a prescription for a non-narcotic pain reliever but it isn't safe to take while nursing. It is targeted directly at nerve pain but I currently cannot take it. I could switch Liam over to formula for a little bit and pump and dump and then pick up breastfeeding after I am finished with the medication. However, I really don't think it would be possible for me to pump that much with having three kids. I exclusively pumped for Carter for 4 months and that took A LOT of time, time I don't have now. Both Carter and Preston have been formula fed and are very healthy kids. My struggle is not necessarily switching Liam over to formula but not having that bonding time while nursing. I really enjoy nursing and I think I will really miss it if I quit now. Liam is my last baby and I want to hang on to every little thing with him.

I do need to make the best decision for my family, my whole family. It isn't fair to Carter and Preston that I am in too much pain to get down on the floor and play with them. I'm not taking them out to parks or play dates... we are staying home all the time. I have to take my other kids into consideration. I have to be the best mommy to all three of my kids, not just one. I also have to do what is best for me. The constant pain is taking a toll on my mental health and in order to be a good mommy I need to be healthy, physically and mentally.

I am praying about these choices and hoping God will help guide me in the right direction. I'm praying that others will support me in whatever decision I come to and realize that this is a very hard decision and I pray that others will not judge me. I really wish parenting was easier. It definitely makes me appreciate my own parents so much more now.

Pumpkin Carving

John and the boys carved this years pumpkin last night. We used the biggest pumpkin of the three we got at the pumpkin patch last week. But the biggest pumpkin was still a pretty small pumpkin. Carter and Preston both had fun. Carter doesn't like to get dirty but Preston dove right in. We had to watch Preston carefully because he tried to eat it. We included Liam in on the fun but he slept the whole time in the bouncy seat.

Pumpkin Patch

We went to the Bill Bates Ranch Pumpkin Patch on Sunday. We have been every year for the past 3 years. It is about an hour away from our house but it is worth the drive out there. They have sheep, goats, chickens and a long horn. You are given a cup of food that you can feed to the animals. The problem is there are so many people out there that the animals are very full and don't really eat. Carter loves looking at all of the animals though. They also have a hay ride which we did last year but chose not to do it this year. We let Preston out of the stroller and let him run around. He had so much fun and loved picking up the small pumpkins. We tried to get a picture of all three boys but that is proving to be very difficult. We did manage to get someone to take a picture of the 5 of us and it turned out pretty well!

Dinner with Friends

A couple of weeks ago, my best friend, Mary, and her boyfriend, Clay came into town. I have been friends with Mary since we were little and she was my maid of honor in my wedding. It had been a couple of years since I have seen her and she hadn't seen Carter since he was 9 months old and hadn't met Preston or Liam. So, it was really special to get to see her and spend a few hours together. We met at Cheddar's and then they came over for a little bit. Carter really took to them and cried when they left. I wish we lived closer and could see each other more often. It was a lot of fun to see her though!!

Baby Toys

Preston has discovered all of his toys he used only a short year ago. Whenever the bouncy seat is in the living room he tried to immediately climb in, even when Liam is in it. We finally had to take the waterfall off as Preston kept getting in but couldn't get out.

Lack of Updates

Who knew life would be so much busier with a third baby? lol I do apologize for the lack of updates to our blog. It seems like I never get on the computer any more. I have been checking my email through my phone and hardly have time to actually sit at the computer.

This has been my first week alone with all three boys. I was very sad to see John go back to work on Monday but very thankful that he was able to take three weeks off. I think me and the boys got used to having him around. This week hasn't been too bad though. The hardest part has been getting everyone out the door and to MDO on time and then back to pick up just 5 short hours later. I have gotten great use already out of my double stroller. I have a Peg Perego side by side double stroller that will hold Preston and Liam (in his carrier) and it has been wonderful! It is so light weight and easy to open and close. I have used it to take the boys to school and pick them up.

I finally got over the hives that developed a week after I had Liam. They lasted about a week and it was probably one of the most miserable weeks of my life. I wouldn't wish those on my worst enemy. I was very happy when they started to go away. However, my hip pain has come back. I have a herniated disc that is putting pressure on my sciatica and I saw a chiropractor during my pregnancy which helped tremendously. It went away while I was pregnant and came back last week. I have been going back to the chiro but haven't been able to find any relief. My toes are starting to go numb which means it is getting worse instead of better. I made an appointment yesterday with a neurologist for next Monday. Hopefully, he will be able to help me. Seriously, it is one thing after another with me. I am ready to just be normal and healthy.

I will try to get back on here later to post some pictures but wanted to let everyone know we are still here and doing well.