Mixed Emotions *Warning - Hormonal Moment :)

Lately, I have been having very mixed emotions when it comes to baby #3. Don't get me wrong, I couldn't be more excited to welcome another little boy into our family. He is going to have 2 awesome big brothers and is going to fit right in.

My sadness I feel is more towards what this means for Preston. I had 2 1/2 whole years with Carter. I got to enjoy his growing and he got to enjoy me and John as well. I kinda feel like Preston is going to get the short end of the stick. I know he won't know any different but I know. I feel like part of me is rushing him to grow up a little because I just don't know if I can handle a 3 1/2 year old and two babies. I really want him to be walking by the time #3 is born which looks like he will be doing anyways on his own but I hate actually wanting it to happen that quickly. I feel like I'm going to miss out on spending more one on one time with him. This past year, we have had two days a week for 5 hours each of those two days it was just me and him. Being a stay at home mom has allowed me to really get to know him and I cherish every moment. I can't thank John enough for allowing me to have the privilege of staying home with our kids. I have been on both ends of the spectrum. I worked for 2 years of Carter's life and sent him to daycare every day. Granted he learned a ton and is a little social butterfly now because of it but I now see the benefit of really getting to know your child when you stay at home. I didn't know Carter as well as I know Preston. I never did know what his cries meant and I do with Preston. It makes me sad to think that I couldn't give that to Carter. But now, I'm going to be taking away a little from Preston. I have learned to balance my time with two boys. I will take Carter with me sometimes on the weekends to run errands. It is so much fun when it's just the two of us. And I have one on one time with Preston all the time. My fear is that with a newborn, how will that affect my attention on my other kids. Carter is such a big helper and understands a lot. Preston, on the other hand, won't be able to understand it at all. Carter is anticipating another baby coming into our family. He knows what that means and what that entails. Preston doesn't. How is he going to understand that Mommy won't be able to hold him all the time? Will he allow someone else to comfort him when I can't? I have never spent a night away from Preston. What will he think when I'm in the hospital for 4 days? He is such a momma's boy and I can't begin to imagine what his adjustment to a little brother is going to be like.

If you made it this far then I applaud you! :) lol I think I really needed to get all of my current feelings out there. I know it will all work out in the end and a lot of people have kids close in age. I think this next year is going to be a very tough one for everyone in our little family but I do look forward to all of the fun we are going to have!